


Undercover

by Chuui



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: F/M, Humor, Phone Calls & Telephones, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-01-30
Packaged: 2018-01-10 13:31:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1160273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chuui/pseuds/Chuui
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Riza and Roy think they're the only ones on the line, but they soon find out that's not the case. Oneshot. Royai.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undercover

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!

"Mmm, so how did the flower harvesting go Elizabeth?"

"It went well Roy; we got so many Roses this year, Jacqueline is going to be thrilled."

Fuery adjusted his headset. They had been on this stakeout for a long time now and there was no activity at all. Lieutenant Hawkeye and the Colonel had been on the phone talking to each other this entire time to keep in touch just in case there were any developments. He of course was in charge of the communication and thus listening in on the conversation for the past five hours. He honestly wondered how they never ran out of things to talk about, they were not discussing anything about the mission, in fact they seemed to just be enjoying the conversation about the made up life of 'Elizabeth'.

They had talked about everything to what she had eaten for breakfast, to what she had done last week as well as the various workings of the imaginary flower shop. He almost felt as if he was infringing on their personal conversation it was so believable. The entire discussion also had a flirty tone that made him feel extremely uncomfortable, the colonel using the voice that brought all the ladies to his knees he was used to, but the Lieutenant replying with the same coy tone was something that would never cease to amaze him.

"Perhaps I'll buy some of those roses for you; I know how much you love them Elizabeth."

"Oh Roy you know me too well, such extravagant beauty but those thorns give off an aura of danger that I absolutely adore."

"You are also quite the dangerous woman when you want to be Elizabeth, It kind of turns me on."

"Oh stop it Roy, we know you are the one who's always putting yourself in more dangerous situations, considering your line of work. I can't imagine what working for the military would be like."

"I wasn't talking about being dangerous at work, more so when I get home and you're there waiting for me..."

"Roy!" She yelled loudly.

Fuery's headset echoed with a loud screech, Riza's voice peaking causing him to throw the object across the room due to the pain that resonated through his eardrums. "Damn..." he muttered under his breath before trekking across the room to retrieve them.

Putting them back on his ears he was met with an annoying scratchy sound that made the conversation barely audible. This was not good; if this headset was broken he didn't have another on him. He could probably find another pair back at the office, but it would be quite a long time that he would be away from his post. Frustrated, he didn't want to be the one to put an end to the mission prematurely so he decided he would have to sprint back to headquarters to get the replacement. He hoped the microphone part was still working fine and raised his voice a few octaves before speaking, "Elizabeth, I have to go back to the dealer to pick up a new batch of flowers, the ones they sent us are infested with aphids. Don't worry; I'll be fast so I won't be gone long."

Riza heard the message loud and clear. "Oh, alright then Kate, please hurry back."

Fuery slid off the headset and was about to leave when he noticed another headset lying by his panel. He had forgotten that he had an extra one because Breda had to leave due to some indigestion earlier. This was great, now he didn't have to go all the way to headquarters, he simply connected the spare and tuned back into the conversation. He was about to announce that he hadn't needed to leave at all but was halted due to the conversation that was unfolding in his ears.

"Roy I told you my undergarments are nothing to fawn over, they are simple and unappealing."

"Aw Elizabeth, that's such a shame. You should really invest in some lace; I can just imagine how great you would look in it."

"Who said I'd let  _you_  see it if I did decide to buy some? I bet you're not wearing anything special right now either."

"Unfortunately everything on my body right now is military issued, however if I were to come over to your house I'll make sure to wear something black and silky just for you."

"You want to come over to my house? And what do you plan on doing when you get there?"

Fuery could feel himself flushing five different shades of red. He couldn't find it in himself to notify them that he was there; he just couldn't interrupt this... conversation. He thought about just placing the headset on the ground and waiting a while so it seemed like he had been gone and hope that they would be finished with wherever this discussion was going by then, but what if something mission related happened, it was his job to be listening, but it didn't make that much of a difference... but part of him was genuinely interested in where this conversation was heading, he admitted to himself.  _No! This is so wrong, completely wrong! A violation of privacy!_

"Oh Elizabeth, would you really like to know?"

"I might be a little interested."

_Fuery, all you need to do is put the headset down. Remove it from your head, and put it down._

"Only a little? You don't seem to want it enough."

Riza practically purred into the receiver. " _Roooy,_  stop teasing. I just don't know what you would be able to do that would top the last time. I can still feel my body tingling from when you ran your fingers-"

" _I'M BACK!_ " Fuery yelled into the microphone, his voice cracking so much that combined with his attempt at a feminine voice sounded much more like a shriek.

He could hear Hawkeye gasp loudly before she caught herself and slid back into her undercover persona.

"K-Kate! That was quick, did the flowers make it okay?" She sounded like she had just been caught in the act of murder, her nervous fake laughter made it even more awkward.

"Ah, yes, turns out something got mixed up so they came to exchange the flowers themselves!" Fuery just could not let that conversation go any further. He had never heard Hawkeye so flustered, she was so composed all the time he must've really startled her to evoke this type of reaction.

"Elizabeth, is everything okay?" Roy returned to the call after a long silence on his end.

"Fine! Kate just got back a little earlier than expected. That's all!"

"Oh, she's back already... I thought..."

"Well, I should really get back to work. I don't think there will be anything else interesting to discuss with you for today. It was nice talking with you!"

"Wait, Elizabeth!"

Havoc interjected with mock sadness in his voice. "Damn it Kate, it was just getting good."


End file.
